HITTING THE 6-MONTH MARK WITH MY HUSBAND
Do they really have to celebrate?
A milestone is a milestone; the tiny, the huge, and the life-changing.
My husband and I are celebrating our 6th Month of Marriage today. You might ask why we celebrate everything in our relationship? We have come to realize that acknowledging our achievements make us grateful for both the small and big things.
It might sound super short to some, but our relationship has progressed in ways we never expected. We were in a long distance relationship for three years, and I'd say we did a pretty good job. But being married for six months? That's another story to tell. The most important thing we learned in this season is that it will never work if God is not the center of our marriage.
I want to take this moment to reflect on our journey and how "far" we've come as a married couple. I want to share with you six things that I have learned about myself, Julian, and us becoming "one” but, before I begin, If you are in a long-term relationship right now, trust me; Marriage is a whole new level. ✨
6 THINGS I LEARNED IN THIS MARRIAGE
1. When we were still dating, I thought it was a "culture" thing, but I learned that we communicate very differently. Whenever we are in an argument, I'm the one to talk point by point. At first, it felt like Julian almost didn't care because he didn't speak at all. He told me that the way he processes his emotions is different than me and that I need to understand that He needs time to analyze the situation.
During storytelling, Julian is very detailed, and he would start from the very beginning even if I only want to find out the end of the story. He doesn't like it when I rush him because that's how he expresses himself. On the other hand, I am straight to the point when I tell him stories!
Now, we understand that it's not about us not paying enough attention to how we communicate with each other and get upset about it, but identifying how we can LISTEN more.
2. The phrase "I will never learn how to cook" is long gone. Before I got married, I DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE KNOWLEDGE ABOUT COOKING. I'm scared of oils and boiling waters. I can't identify if a dish is still raw or fully cooked, not even rice. Yes, my husband knew this before we got married! Haha. But he also understood that I didn't grow up wanting to cook. My mom never scolded me for not knowing how to cook at our house because she enjoyed that and the chore is hers. I did not voluntarily learn because the people who I surrounded myself with were excellent cooks and they didn't need my skill.
Now, cooking is the key to saving. Honestly, eating out is the death of your savings (even being single). I enjoy doing groceries with Julian and buying things we need and don't need. Haha! I can now cook simple meals which I never thought I would be able to do. I'm proud of myself!
And the next point relating to number 2 is…
3. There's no such thing as "You're the wife" "You're the husband" when it comes to house chores. Julian does the laundry, and I fold them once washed. We both clean up after our mess, but we also clean each other's mess if it's something we can do. It's important to be still individually responsible but be present as "one."
Because we are freelancers, we both work 24/7. There's no such thing as "You're the husband, you should work more and I'll stay here in the house and cook for you." or "You're the wife, I should make more money than you and work more than you." And no, this is not about gender equality and all that but about being accountable to each other and having each other's back! Work as a team. Marriage is 100/100 and not 50/50.
4. Honestly, it's not a big deal.
No really, some things are just not worth the argument. Do not sweat the small stuff! Gone are the days where you want to be cute all day, acting like a baby, and needs pampering every time you fight. I'm not saying be bland, but be sensitive to when you can act like a baby and treat the situation maturely. Sometimes our "simple" finicky action can spark and might lead to something else. I'm still learning this day by day, but it's good to remind myself EVERYDAY.
5. Do not rush things. The perfect example is having a baby! I know both of your side of the family are excited that you are now married and that means "Yay! Grandkids!" to them. Do not let it pressure you, do not let your "parent friends" tell you that's it's time, do not let that cute baby across the hall melt your heart. Haha! What I'm saying is, there's a time for everything especially important things like this. A baby is another life you are going to raise.
Do not let the pressure of having your own place get to you. IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE, but if there is a place (like your parents) who are still able to cater for both of you WHILE you save for that own house, there's no shame in that. The end goal is to have your own place where you can sustain and call your own and not owning ASAP but not able to keep it. There's a time for everything, and if you believe in God's timing, everything will fall into place.
6. Financial Talk is essential. It's not just about making money. It's also about saving, controlling, and being wise about handling it. Be honest with each other. "How much money do we have?" "Do we owe anything?" "What are the things that we have to pay for?" "I want to buy this/that. Is it in our budget?" Questions like these will bring your finances to the surface and will both make you aware of what are WANTS and NEEDS.
One last thing I want to add before I end this; your spouse is not your enemy. You are on the same team! When things get rough, do not treat your spouse like he/she is against you. They fight with you! Remember the vow? For better or for worse. I know this world is all about "big wins," but let's remember that every experience, small and significant, is going to prepare us to bigger purpose!
Have fun, and love fully.
ALL PHOTOS TAKEN BY : Jackie Gutierrez @LENSOFMYHEART